Sunday 13 June 2010

COVETED FRUIT

A red ripe fruit; perhaps peach, or better apple, no, it could be mango;
One ready to be harvested;
Many are the fruits that hang from the other branches, this captures attention;
A seasoned fruit; succulent and perhaps tasty;
My fingers reach out to pluck it from the branch;
I stretch further to feel its smooth peel;
A fruit so beautiful, one that could satisfy….

My fingers gently graze its surface; confirms my earlier thoughts;
So tender, seasoned but firmly on the branch;
Its beauty leaves me in awe and desire;
I don’t want to grab it from the branch it holds so dear;
I wish to pluck it in the gentlest way

Alas……….

Around the fruit tree are gathered other fruit harvesters; armed with their tools;
Tools so accurate, closer to my beloved fruit than my hands;
Their eyes on my treasure and are likely to reach it before me;
But I can’t use the steel equipment to graze its peel;
I wish to use my hands, my gentle hands to appreciate its texture…
Before plucking it……………….

As my desired fruit hangs tight to its branch, not wishing to let go

So does apple of my eye in real life
I wish to reach out to draw him closer to me;
But he holds to his past so tightly and is not ready to let my hand reach out for him;
Around me are many admirers; many of who have better argument than mine;
However, what I feel for him ties me down;
It’s a feeling gentle and free; doesn’t want to hurt or graze his heart;
Not ready to force him to me;

Just like the fruit, that I stretch out my hand and hope to feel its texture;
I will stretch out my arms and wait for him to come to me;
If he falls in the arms of another;
He will be like my beautiful fruit in the basket of another harvester,,

This is the price to pay for loving a “coveted fruit”

Thursday 10 June 2010

HIS WALKING STICK, MY UMBRELLA

Strolling with my umbrella in hand earlier this evening I was reminded of someone very special in my life; my dad! The umbrella reminded me of my father’s walking stick. Having lived in England for a while, he adopted the English culture in a few ways and the walking stick was one of them. With every step I took, I leaned on my umbrella as though it was my walking stick. I remembered the moments I had watched my father lean on his stick while he took his walking rounds at dusk. It suddenly hit me that just as I loved evening walks and my umbrella, so does the man whom I adore so much.

It may mean nothing to you as you read this blog but I write it especially for him. He may need the support of his special walking stick because he has passed on to us all his strength. Over time, I have been through the mill in my life and every time I almost gave up, the strength I received down from him made me rise up and try again. I have had my share of mistakes and shortcomings and am far from perfection but my heart is filled with humility because I witnessed the life of a humble man. His name may not appear in the books and no song may have been sung about him, but he lives in my heart.

As my footsteps followed the strokes of my umbrella, I felt as though I was walking in the steps of my father. I write my own destiny every day with the decisions I make but the lessons I picked from observing the life lived by my parents guide me. Moments when I often felt lost and lonely, the memories of a loving father keeps me alive. A man who even though loves his walking stick is strong and solid as a rock. I may never have a golden heart as he has and I may sacrifice less than he has for us but I am thankful today that he is my father.

I could go on and on of how proud I am to be his daughter but some of the special memories, I hope to share with my children some day and tell them of the love I had while growing up. Even though it was unspoken, it is so loud in his actions, silence and his sense of humor. I see my umbrella and I feel his presence and love. I see him in me and I hope his strength I keep through the tough times yet to come; his love, I hope to share with those around me and his humility to be an example to emulate. This night, I pray that he is safe wherever he is and he knows that his daughter thinks of him.

What reminds you of that special person in your life? It could be as simple as an umbrella or even yet simpler your image in the mirror. This evening it was my umbrella, perhaps tomorrow it would be something else but every day I think of the "angels " who have graced my path and continue to do so. One of them holds a walking stick...

Wednesday 19 May 2010

WHEN TWO ELEPHANTS FIGHT….

Watching video clips (BLACK MONEY,VICTIMS OF CORRUPTION among others) from PBS – FRONTLINE www.pbs.org/frontlineworld on the corruption of the powerful elite of Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, Congo and Tanzania versus the giant corporations of the west, it indeed is a saddening fact to see the level to which our greed as human beings has reached. The amounts of money in transaction as a bribe to a Saudi Arabian Royalty from a company such BAE systems could easily feed the whole of Asia or perhaps Africa for a long while. The culprits of the crimes committed against humanity in their defense speak of the impossibility of business in the countries of interest unless the bribes are paid.

It’s of no use to blame the western world for being willing to pay such huge sums to fill up the bank accounts of the ruling elite of the struggling nations where as the larger population goes hungry. Who is to blame when we are all plagued by the greed that consumes our hearts and minds? The lust after what we cannot have that is slowly depriving us of our own essence “humanity”? the number of deaths in the Congo, Cameroon and the Niger delta is in the least of the minds of the”elephants” with briefcases. Nobody cares anymore when they sell weapons to third world countries at twice the market price.

The governments of these countries pocket the cash and do not care as to whether their people have a decent meal on their tables. The deals made on Golf courses and Las Vegas Casinos are ones that could reverse the course of a whole country. The Hedge Fund managers who play God with money on Wall Street in regard to the fate of a third world country. I may know only an ounce of what the real deal is and I may never get to change the mind of any of the “elephants” involved in the atrocities against human kind. And with a sad realization I admit to being a part of the reason as to why these crimes are committed. Why do I say so? At the end of my studies I would wish to work for the same companies I very much criticize today. How would they pay my dues if business can’t continue in the countries of resources? I believe my dilemma is likewise faced by the perpetrators of the crimes; when a husband or a wife is obliged to carry that suitcase which could harm a whole nation in order to keep his family afloat. In order to afford the luxury to which his children are used to. Vanity!

I could go on and on this topic with no conclusion given that there are so many articles that have been written on business ethics. I may not change the world with what I think but a question arises in my mind tonight. I think on “who really suffers when two elephants fight?” The elephants may be injured but doesn’t the grass suffer the most? Indeed the battle ground are the people, the multitudes that go hungry while their ruling elite stock up their armory ready for a war uncalled for. When will humanity be awakened?
Just a thought…….

Tuesday 18 May 2010

GISELE, HALLE, MEGAN FOX AND THE LIST CONTINUES ……………….

The other day I had a chat with a friend of mine on the etalon of beauty for women displayed on the tabloids and press. He spoke of his dream woman; how she should look, how she should dress and the dimensions of her body. He drew me a mental picture of a woman I had seen in the movies, journals and magazines. The woman who seemed to have it all perfect and in place. To summarize, he spoke of her as having a banging body like Demi Moore at her late forties.

I have nothing against these gorgeous women and I very much admire them. But the point I am trying to bring forth is that, did anyone see them before they hit fame? Who was beside them when they wore braces? When they couldn’t afford a decent college education? When GUCCI and DOLCE&GABBANA was a distant dream to them? That’s where my point lies. They are simple women just like the women in your kitchen, office and in your lives.

I challenged my friend to do an experiment on his girlfriend and see if she doesn’t match up to the beauties on the TV sets as we see them. He complained of her dressing style, perfume and even her hairstyle. Yet he over indulged himself in items of luxury whereas the woman who stood by him, went on dry. My point this morning is simple, why don’t we stop complaining and lusting after what we see and make the woman or man who stands beside us appealing? Giving them a chance to glow and blossom in our sight. To open our eyes and really see that beyond the makeup and glamour we see in the tabloids lie women and men just like your wives, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends. Behind the photo shopped image are freckles and pimples just like the lady in your bed. The ever smooth and silky skin is nothing but lighting techniques and shadings. He pumped up six pack is a result of hard work in the gym if not surgery.

Many women and men have had broken relationships simply because the “greener pastures” were masked in toned bodies, expensive make-up and perfumes. We lose the whole essence of beauty by believing that it lies in what we see, whatever happened to the skin deep beauty? One that was experienced daily and got better with every passing day? Is it that we have completely succumbed to the vanity that lies everywhere around us. Is our insatiable ego taking control of who we are? Seeking perfection when we know very well that none exists? Or is it that we only long for what we could never have? Why not look closer to our kitchens, bedrooms, and offices and even at the front seat of our cars and see the beautiful women and handsome men who sit beside us? They may not be George Clooney or Brad Pitt, not Halle berry or Megan Fox but they love us for who we are. Look at the reflection in the mirror and see how far we are from perfection, how could we demand the same of those we stand beside us?

It’s not a criminal act to beautify our bodies and its very appealing to be beside a well groomed person. But wouldn’t it be more fun of we could be the ones to bring out the beauty in our partner? To be the one who turns their insecurities into confidence. It may sound as a wishful thought but think about it. Your Gisele, Heidi Klum, Naomi, Tyra, Scarlett, Johnny Depp is beside you, perhaps even better! J

Thursday 22 April 2010

DESCRIBE YOURSELF……

An encounter with new faces in your life can sometimes turn out to be a complex process that may entail a speech of self description. One that requires you to have excelled in English grammar or at least knew adjectives to add to your “I am”. How often have you been asked the question, “how would you describe yourself?” and you are left with the feeling as though you are product to be marketed. You try to set a market value to yourself and my marketing professor would say that its one of the most natural products anyone could ever market. Well, to my point, recently someone asked me this question and I thought of the words I could say to answer the question to perfection. However, something held me back!

What of if there was someone to whom I didn’t need to describe myself to/ one that I didn’t need to give the superficial side of me. Who wouldn’t ask me questions to which the answers have re-echoed in my head countless times? That someone who knew me by heart and was ready to discover the mystery of my being as days went by? I have often answered this question with adjectives that I found were hard to live up to. My responses in the past had made it seem as though everything was perfect in “Diana’s land” (not that I am saying they aint J). How I wished for someone who could look at me and see who I am and for the points unclear ask me at the most unexpected time. Someone who can help me find a way home, hold my hand as I went to meet my essence. As I opened the door to “ Diana’s land.”

I was exhausted and I didn’t have the desire to explain myself once more and I politely replied, “I am done with the adjectives lessons in my life!” strange as it may seem but how often do we lie to ourselves and those who sit before us with sweetened words only to discover that it doesn’t even come close to who we are. When we mistake the material elements of our lives to be the essence of who we are? I am not suggesting self description is inappropriate and in the cases of a job interview it may land you a job. But what if the truth of who you really are isn’t yet clear to you? When everyday you find out something new about yourself? Something that you can’t predict before hand? Perhaps you are afraid to shed light in this reality of yourself. My mother once told me that in the years she has been married to my father, she could never say she knew him 100% and many cases she was mesmerized by what she discovered about the man she had been married to for almost half a century.

What if we met someone who knew us by heart; one who was willing to live with the basic and build on the common grounds that you share? Discover your strengths and supplement with their weakness? I know it sounds like a fairy tale but I longed for that moment. It could be a fantasy but I didn’t feel like describing myself neither did I feel like listening to the adjectives from across my table..Perhaps boring is the word to describe me…

I wonder if someone could relate to my thoughts tonight… ;)

WHEN SILENCE SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS

This afternoon I was brought to a point where I had to decide whether words could express what was going on in my mind. I thought of words that could fit into the given situation, an excuse that could help me get out of the awkward situation I found myself in. I was going against what I have always believed in and I felt disarmed and the enemy was staring at me with their weapons armed.

Indeed I could have found words, lyrics to a song or lines to my favorite poems. Instead I chose something that I rarely do and I believe many of us don’t either. I chose to seal my lips and lock my voice box. I felt as though in that particular event, only silence could express what I really felt. Have you ever been in that kind of situation when all you could have said has been said? You have exhausted any tactics that you may have developed over time to overcome the situation before hand. What do you do when no smile could smother the enemy before you? When no words of gratitude could express how much you appreciated those who stood by you for the longest time of your life? When no apologies could erase the disappointment off the face of a loved one?

Such situations come at hand when a spouse who has been a part of your life decides that your presence is no longer a satisfaction. When a best friend decides to break away from the relationship you so share or worse betray your trust. When a child rejects the love you have so much given. When your company decides your services are no longer needed. Perhaps a lover finds solace in the arms of another. Indeed, what could you ay when words couldn’t express the emotions you feel inside? How many times have you thought of silence as the best weapon? Your adversary has no idea what goes on in your mind and he/she watches you as you walk away. You could have stayed to fight another day by for that moment you know it’s better to seal your lips and let it go. Flap your wings and fly without chirping.

My mind reels through the pages of my memory and I reckon there are those situations I could have been silent but I uttered words that I regret today. So this afternoon, I chose what I felt was best, to be silent hoping that tomorrow I don’t wake up to imagine how it could have been had I uttered any words. The much wiser men once said that silence is golden. So, I take my golden moment all in a stride. It’s the best I could do…..

Saturday 20 March 2010

FACEBOOK

For the first time in a long while, I sat down and search for my high school friends on the social network, FACEBOOK. I read on their lives and read through their status’ history. Nostalgia shot through my vein, intoxicating every nerve of me like a drug. I never realized how much I had missed them and how time has changed each and every one of them. One of the profiles that touched my heart is that of my high school best friend. A girl I loved with all my heart and was close to me like my sister. The relationship between us went sour and she turned her back on me and never wanted to hear anything about me in any way.

Back then I accepted her wishes and walked away but on looking at her profile this evening, I felt pain of a love once lost. We shared a lot and I believe no romantic love could compare to a friendship so divine. Well, I am not a stalker and I thought of adding her as my friend but I hesitated. Would she ever accept me back? How could I get myself to say, I am sorry? “I messed up.” “I hurt you.”I have missed a huge part of her life and she has been hardened over time, with a family of her own. I battle with thoughts in my mind; should I say I am sorry? And if I do, for what reason am I sorry for? Does she remember our friendship at all? Our laughter and secrets? Perhaps she does but would she listen to what I have to say?

To some it may seem simple and may advise me, “You never know until you try”. But the fact is that I am a coward today. I couldn’t stand her rejection once more. She was my best friend and as I scroll through to other high school friends, my heart aches. She may have needed my support over the years but I was never there. She is one soul I let down in my life.

Why am I talking about this evening? Well, I urge you to take the opportunity while you have it. When you have the chance to say “I am sorry”, “I love you”, I miss you” and show the ones you love that you care, it will be the wisest thing to never let this chance pass you by. I may have gone out of her life and it’s my loss but I pray to God to keep her and give her better friends than I ever could be.

I brace for what the future brings and focus on the friendships that life will bring my way. To love my friends with a heart that’s true. Thank you FACEBOOK, I am a critic of your influence on people’s lives but today I learnt a priceless lesson in my hour of walking down the memory lane.

Thursday 11 March 2010

THE MIRACLE IN HER SMILE….

She couldn’t stop staring at me, with occasional smiles and shy gestures, the little girl in the bus couldn’t just get her eyes off me. Being unable to resist the innocent and yet heavenly smile, I smiled right back. She must have taken this as a welcome. She suddenly plunged onto my laps shocking her custodian, myself as well. The little girl in my story suffers from down-syndrome or some form of mental incapability. The joy on her face nearly drove me to tears in a public bus and I quickly looked away. Her custodian quickly took her away from my lap, trying to find excuse but I quickly threw her back a reassuring smile. I couldn’t get the right words to tell her it was alright and when I tried to my stop at Ellesmere road had come.

Why do I tell this story? Well, it struck how many parents take fore granted the fact that they have “normal” children, who are not in any form of lack. I have no child of my own yet but the child in the bus drew me to yet another realization of the daily miracles that cross our paths daily. We go about belligerent and whining about the tiniest of issues, passing on our foul moods to everyone around us. We fail to apprehend the beauty around us even on a day when all seems to fall apart. The gift of gentle embrace of a child; the innocence in their smiles and their earnest yearn for care. I was on the verge of tears because in the brief moment I had with this little girl, I saw the face of an angel. Yet another miracle that God gives freely.

In the same bus, the headlines of the “metro” newspaper screams; “THE BIGGEST BURST IN CHILD PORNOGRAPHY “. Irony indeed! I couldn’t help to think of the children whose innocence have been taken away and those being taken as I write this short blog. They are the future me and you and yet someone poisons their soul, defiles their being and robs them of their innocence and radiance. Their angelic image is turned into a dark soul. Words are not sufficient to term these acts as atrocities, yet they happen under our roofs, in our bedrooms, our cars and neighborhoods.

I may not change much this afternoon but I send word across to parents who have little angels, guardian to whom the care of such glorious beings are accorded; hold them and not to let go. Show them that a part of humanity still lives. The miracle in her smile played a string in my soul. When the little girl smiles to you next time please smile back.

Monday 1 March 2010

HEART SO ADAMANT...

Tread carefully, cautiously, definitely, meticulously;
Words to define how well do it the next
Ones to depict the gravity of the next mistake
Words spoken to a heart, to try and explain
Make it see the gravity of clueless emotions
Solemnly said and in the softest of whispers
Words to an adamant heart

A heart that loves when should not
One that listens not to the counsel of mind
Adamant heart loves once again
Words not adhered to, coaxing was futile
It treads to the grounds of potential pain
Imminent heartache and avoidable bruises
Words were spoken, of how a heart should make next move
Dissuasion was futile, a heart so adamant

What words should be used, to speak to this heart
Communication that only it fathoms
Mind has tried, sent signals of danger
For it to tread carefully, meticulously, cautiously
Tread definitely next time around in love
Alas! Fruitless to say
Adamant heart heeds not……….

by diana

Friday 19 February 2010

NO FORMULA………….

Having been in a few broken relationships, friendships and listened to a few stories of estranged marriages/companionship, I believe it is safe to say that there is no formula to loving people in our lives. No black and white right or wrong way to make a relationship or friendship work. Magazines and journals headlines may declare “ten ways to make marriage work” or better “5 ways to know he/she is the one”. Horoscope sites may tell you “how wrong your pair will turn out to be” or “how perfect the two of you will be together”. No offense to those who believe in any of the above sources, it’s just my personal opinion and deductions that I share in my article this morning.

We have heard it all and the love mix seems to mutate and change each and every day. For those of us who have had firsthand experience, it probably is safe to deduct that what works for one partner doesn’t work for another. Some aspects of relationships may match when tallied but is it safe to say there is a formula to make him/her fall in love with you? In my opinion, NO! If horoscope matching were accurate, why is it that a number of marriages that solely depend on this information fail?

What our previous partner loved to do together may not be what the new partner loves. The nights of cuddle before a TV show may not appeal to another who prefers a cuddle in bed. What turned a partner on will not necessarily turn the other on? We are caught in a web of norms which have been written by our past. We often try to fit our potential partners into this “ideal” that only our minds know of. Perhaps when we tried to be wordy about our emotions in the past, our partners ran away but for the new partner he/she yearns to hear us say these words.

How do we know when it’s right way or wrong way? That’s the point I am trying to bring out, there is no formula, no right time, no wrong time. These are settings our minds have put to make us feel safe. Wouldn’t it be adventurous when all these norms are stripped off and our past experience kept as a distant memory? Wouldn’t it be more exciting to discover a new partner in his/her own special way? Wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to live each and every day supporting and understanding the best way to treat an individual friend or partner? Certain virtuous aspects may stand, such as respect, understanding among others but the simple underlying fact of acceptance still stands.

I don’t need to have a “brangelina” relationship; neither do I want to have the formula of heart break from Jennifer Aniston. The mistakes they make don’t relate to me and what may work for them, wouldn’t work for me. No a formula to touch another person, neither a best way to kiss another person even though the word is “chemistry”. Chemistry which could mean chemical formulas.. Ironic! Well, for those who have loved and have known true love perhaps you may agree to disagree with me but my opinion stands; making every new day special with someone we love or care about is the essence to making it work. It’s no formula; simply discovering the secrets that make both hearts smile, one that know how to dry the tears off the face of another, secret that allows us just to be simply who we are around those that we hold dear to us.

Those of us addicted to cosmopolitan formulas, it’s time to throw these leaflets out of the window and listen to, learn from , understand and compromise with our partners and friends. Just be who you are and let them be who they are, what could make the passion stronger than nature itself? What could make the kiss linger better than knowing you need no right or wrong way to feel his/her lip? No formula to make the passionate entanglement of lovers perfect? No ingredients to make two bodies sublime?

Again, this is my personal opinion, no formula exists!

Sunday 7 February 2010

“DEAR JOHN”

I bet many of us have forgotten how it felt to draft a hand-written love letter. When we took our time to think of words to express how we felt about that special someone; borrowed words from songs, from famous poets and unbelievable for the Christian part of us borrowed words from the book of Solomon. Generation may have changed and people hardly know their hand-writing in this era of computers. A boy no longer tells a girl how magical she makes him feel and neither does a girl hide under covers with a spotlight to read the note from the boy she likes. Gone are the days when we could open up and speak what’s in our hearts.

I still recall my first love letter and even though I may not remember the words I wrote and received in reply, the nostalgia lives on. No offense to the men who have courted me but none of them took a pen and drafted those emotions of a first meeting, those nights when we stayed a wake in passionate entanglement. I don’t blame them since I didn’t do the same either. I never let them know on the missed heartbeats of our first kiss, or the longing for the first hug. My pen has not written of my heart’s rush when I first caught a glimpse of their masculine structure through the unbuttoned shirt.

SMS and emails may have replaced what was a tradition but for those who waited for the post man to deliver the long awaited letter, those who drew the contours of each letter from their loved ones, read it over and over again never noticing the grammatical errors, I bet you long for those days. Indeed those were the days when we pressed these notes across our chests and fell sound asleep. Boys were not afraid to say what they felt and girls were not afraid to blush at the words of their beloved.

The secret boxes we kept under our beds as a safe haven for our secret notes of passion, desire, longing and feelings that ran deep. I still recall with nostalgia as I waited for the post lady to call my name in front of the assembly of boarding school girls to receive my handwritten note from my puppy love. The words may have been borrowed, simple, but they were what he felt for me. The comfort I had deep inside with the thought of him thinking of me from the distance. His love was in every word he drafted.

Why do I write this today? As you can see my title of blog, “Dear John” a movie that inspired me and took me back in time.. I never wrote “Dear John” but to whomever it was addressed, I drafted every word with love..Gone are the days when I received a love letter, but the nostalgia is awake inside of me tonight..

Are you nostalgic tonight too? Let your pen draft those words to your beloved, pour out your heart and let the ink inscribe what you feel for that special someone. Valentines’ day is around the corner.