Having been in a few broken relationships, friendships and listened to a few stories of estranged marriages/companionship, I believe it is safe to say that there is no formula to loving people in our lives. No black and white right or wrong way to make a relationship or friendship work. Magazines and journals headlines may declare “ten ways to make marriage work” or better “5 ways to know he/she is the one”. Horoscope sites may tell you “how wrong your pair will turn out to be” or “how perfect the two of you will be together”. No offense to those who believe in any of the above sources, it’s just my personal opinion and deductions that I share in my article this morning.
We have heard it all and the love mix seems to mutate and change each and every day. For those of us who have had firsthand experience, it probably is safe to deduct that what works for one partner doesn’t work for another. Some aspects of relationships may match when tallied but is it safe to say there is a formula to make him/her fall in love with you? In my opinion, NO! If horoscope matching were accurate, why is it that a number of marriages that solely depend on this information fail?
What our previous partner loved to do together may not be what the new partner loves. The nights of cuddle before a TV show may not appeal to another who prefers a cuddle in bed. What turned a partner on will not necessarily turn the other on? We are caught in a web of norms which have been written by our past. We often try to fit our potential partners into this “ideal” that only our minds know of. Perhaps when we tried to be wordy about our emotions in the past, our partners ran away but for the new partner he/she yearns to hear us say these words.
How do we know when it’s right way or wrong way? That’s the point I am trying to bring out, there is no formula, no right time, no wrong time. These are settings our minds have put to make us feel safe. Wouldn’t it be adventurous when all these norms are stripped off and our past experience kept as a distant memory? Wouldn’t it be more exciting to discover a new partner in his/her own special way? Wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to live each and every day supporting and understanding the best way to treat an individual friend or partner? Certain virtuous aspects may stand, such as respect, understanding among others but the simple underlying fact of acceptance still stands.
I don’t need to have a “brangelina” relationship; neither do I want to have the formula of heart break from Jennifer Aniston. The mistakes they make don’t relate to me and what may work for them, wouldn’t work for me. No a formula to touch another person, neither a best way to kiss another person even though the word is “chemistry”. Chemistry which could mean chemical formulas.. Ironic! Well, for those who have loved and have known true love perhaps you may agree to disagree with me but my opinion stands; making every new day special with someone we love or care about is the essence to making it work. It’s no formula; simply discovering the secrets that make both hearts smile, one that know how to dry the tears off the face of another, secret that allows us just to be simply who we are around those that we hold dear to us.
Those of us addicted to cosmopolitan formulas, it’s time to throw these leaflets out of the window and listen to, learn from , understand and compromise with our partners and friends. Just be who you are and let them be who they are, what could make the passion stronger than nature itself? What could make the kiss linger better than knowing you need no right or wrong way to feel his/her lip? No formula to make the passionate entanglement of lovers perfect? No ingredients to make two bodies sublime?
Again, this is my personal opinion, no formula exists!
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