THE WISDOM OF MY FATHER..........

I wonder what my father would tell me today if I told of him what troubled me and what my desires were. Would he relate to my thoughts, desires and dreams? Would he tell me of a story in his lifetime from which I would draw a lesson? What would be his advice? Perhaps he would tell me to follow my dreams and pursue my goals in life. What if he scolds me and expresses his disappointment on my living below the standards he taught me? This evening I ponder on the wisdom of my father. I am not trying to say that he is a perfect and ever knowing person. I must admit he has his flaws but which he suppressed and let the good side over shadow..

He is a man of a few words and quite moody but these are traits which prove that he is human just like any one of us. I am not going to describe his features to you but instead I would love to share with you the nostalgia that lives in my heart this afternoon. The deep desires to see him and listen to him speak. I remember watching him taking walks in the neighborhood, perhaps he had a lot on his mind, and perhaps he did it to get his own time away from the large family that surrounded him. I remember the lines of wisdom he relayed in between his humor trying to lessen the gravity of the message he wanted to pass across.

In his dedication to us, I observed the trait of patience, he didn’t complain on the stress he must have gone through to bring us to the level that we are as a family today. I wonder what he is doing at this moment; could it be that he is talking to his friends (he has few friends)? Perhaps dozing under his favorite tree? Hhh..no , I am sure he is listening to “lingala” while relaxing on his rocking chair. He taught me the importance of seeking tranquility within the soul and heart. He never failed in making me understand that joy came from within us and that no other person could make us happy, instead they could with us their joy.

What of the time when I didn’t achieve what I wanted in school in a game or a toy? In his wisdom he made me realize that life isn’t always about what we want, it’s more of accepting what is beyond our control and seeking the other open doors in life. Not once did I see him stagger drunk where as he would buy vodka for his mates and enjoy a laugh or two with them. When we asked him why he never took alcohol, his answer was simple” I don’t know what alcohol is and my life is great without it “ I am not in criticism of alcohol but in this way he made make a decision to keep an a
liquor free life.

When life is tough and the decision making is hard, he acknowledges the help he can accord from God. He is not a deeply religious man but he believes in God and even though I never saw him kneel down to pray, he asked my mother to keep him in her prayers. I am nostalgic on his laughter, when he taught me that laughing was a great medicine for the soul. I wonder what piece of wisdom I would miss today. Perhaps he had planted the seed in me to seek wisdom from God and take all the lessons I can from my daily life. I could say endless wisdom tips from him but I see that in my life yesterday, today and tomorrow, I am yet to learn. My true wisdom comes from God….

I miss him today, I am nostalgic of my homeland, and my hearts has a rooting in my beautiful homeland Kenya. I am an African girl and a child of my father…

I Love you dad…

ALL FIGURED OUT…..

Many a times we believe that we are smart enough to know what’s right for us; that we have it all figured out. We could be knowledgeable, intelligent perhaps of a high IQ. What then becomes of us when life throws at our faces situations that we can’t handle? They say when trouble knocks, it knocks double or even bring along its seven brothers. Strength may fail us and at times we wish the ground could open beneath our feet and swallow us. No magic wand would take the pain away.

You go to bed and wake up with pain staring right at your face and loneliness still under the covers. “Perhaps you should say good morning pain and confusion!”….“How do you do today?” the reality is real and up close that you can nearly taste it. You can feel it sit beside you at the table and even kneel beside you as you pray. For those of us who pray, words could be lost and you may not know what to ask for God. You are afraid it may seem foolish or selfish before the heavens above to lodge a complaint.

Many of you wonder by now why most of my blogs are about pain and reflection but I realize that around me lately I have seen a lot of pain, I have talked to people in pain, lost in pain and I have gone through pain. What I am trying to discuss with you today is how we should go through it and come out seasoned and take a long the lessons we should. For those who are of great faith, go down on your knees and seek an answer for your soul because many times the reason may be beyond human comprehension and strength.

For those who don’t believe in God (although I would advice you to reconsider), find a place where you can search inside of you and listen to what’s going on in your mind. You may be surprised to find that the answer is closer than you think or perhaps a lesson you have from your past. You may feel lost and weak, blinded by lack of power to turn events around. Feeling small is alright at this point because no path in life bears least resistance. Be brave and believe that tomorrow you will smile again.

Lucky are those who take joy from the fountain of life, that’s Jesus Christ; He is closer than we anticipate. He is willing and will hold our hands. No offense to my readers of other faiths, you have you fortress, in your faith you have Him who holds your hand and your source of strength. Seek Him…

Just when we think we have it all figured out, watch out Life is watching you.. you will be tested and tried. At the end of it all the storm will come to pass and you will smile again ….carry on….

TRANSPARENT LIES….

Reading a Kenyan newspaper today, I felt disappointed and disgruntled. I remember the pain, fear, confusion and hatred that gripped my country during the last elections. May people fell victims of transparent lies both from the politicians and themselves? The beastiality and savageness that flashed on the faces of my fellow country men was horrifying. Husband, wives, neighbors and friends turned against each other and blood was shed on the grounds of loyalty, in the name of “justice”.

I understand the anger that one could bear when he/she feels lied to and especially if he/she feels he is being taken for a fool. The story is long but what I want to dwell on is how to deal with transparent lies? What do you do when you see that a politician, a friend or even family is lying to you? For the politician’s case you may have no other choice because all the candidates presented before you are not worth your vote. You may think that boycotting voting is failure to practice your rights; but hold on for a moment and think of what about you, what about your hopes for the future and what about the next generation? Should your tolerance of a lie allow the innocent to suffer? Is it really worth the cause?

For the lovers and partners, it’s harder because in this case because the heart is involved. The heart understands its own language and even though your mind tries to reason out with it for a possible exit, it may not heed to the counsel of reason. It hurts when you can see in the eyes, through the lips and constraints in the voice of the people you love when the try to sell you a white lie. You know and feel that what they say to you is not true, deep in your heart you don’t wish to show mistrust; you have no chance to prove that it is a lie. Your instincts are screaming “transparent lie”. How do you go on when a piece of your heart is poisoned? When you feel the trust you accorded has been violated. So many people chose to keep silent and look the other way. Many of us are afraid of loosing what they held on to. But is it worth all the trouble? Is it worth being a slave of a lie than be free in the truth?

If you ask me, I would choose truth at any time. It would hurt to get to know that truth and in time you will heal than to spend sleepless night trying to make justifications for the one who chooses to betray your trust. I am not encouraging mistrust but rather I am encouraging us to start telling the truth; let it start from us and when we go to bed at night, take a few minutes to convince our hearts of the truth as it is. Let the charity begin at home, and hope that those we love and care about will follow suit…

As for the politicians in my country, I have no words for them at the moment. So many promises were given; loyalty of the people has been betrayed. Friendships broken, innocent blood shed. So much damage has been done just because of believing in transparent lies. Their words were strong and they spoke of change. Enemy boundaries were drawn and now the enemies share the same bed and plate over the innocent blood that was shed. I am not quoting any names but let’s search our hearts, from the leaders to the small children, how much pain and heartache would we save the ones we love by telling them the truth? It may hurt, but in time they will realize that the truth sets them free.
Remember for every lie, there has to be thousand supporting lies…lets start tonight and search within our hearts, clean our closets, the skeletons of transparent lies….

Don’t settles for anything less than reason because choice will always lead you back to square one…this is the weakness of the human kind….

CHILD OF THE WILD

Deep in the prairies of the African savannah, her beautifully shaped spine touched the ground;
Her long legs gracefully bent;
Bent to the direction of the sun;
Modeled legs, wrapped in beautifully colored skin;
Her soul just like her knees bowed to the sun;
Like a sunflower the petal of her heart were brightly colored;
All around her was serene, natural melody and music;
All chorused in the beautiful chirps, hisses and gentle screeches….
She was at home in the wild…


Her mind wondered into a dream;
Dream of the other night, perhaps the other day;
Her eyes followed the plane in the blue sky;
Her thoughts followed her eyes;
Deep in her hearts she felt an ache;
Ache of what was unknown beyond her eyes;
Her curious mind searched for the answers;
Ache of what had been, betrayal and pain;
Ache of the loyalties hard to break;
Ache to be loved and to love
Ache to be free like the child of the wild that she truly was…..

Love wasn’t in her vocabulary; she knew that her heart will lead her to it,
Her wild and yet virgin heart knew that road to take;
No vocabulary was needed,
Love to her was not spoken by the mouth but only by heart;
She was a child of the wild;
In this wilderness only truth and loyalty ruled.

her heart has encountered a polished love,
One that was covered in glitter, luxury;
Love from the west, love that hasn’t seen the wilderness in her soul;
The virgin green of the emotions abiding in her;
She has given all she can for this love;
Her heart has ached for it to be hers;
She is a child of the wild, where everyone is free;
She can’t capture this beautiful emotion;
She lets it free, fly around her, around her aching soul;

The child of the wild has loved;
No idea if loved back;
In her virgin and wild heart, only dreams lie waiting;
Waiting for him to fly back to her;
Her wild heart longs for him to look into her;
Look into her and see the “child of the earth”
This wonderful being abides in her soul……

The child of the wild longs for him…….
Will he turn to see her waiting? Just like she lay in the prairies dreaming….
She dreams on and waits for her story…..
Maybe he will choose her, may be she is too wild for him…..

HOW DO YOU KNOW…..

In my life I have often practiced the policy of letting go when I feel it’s beyond my means, when I have tried all possible means and ended with less desired outcome. Today I review many of the dreams I never gave 2nd, 3rd, 4th or perhaps 10th chances. What if I had tried one more day, made a little extra effort? What would have happened then? I ask myself one tough question, perhaps rhetorical; when or how do you determine, its time to let go?

What do you do when the heart is adamant on pursuing this dream beyond reach? When you try to accept the results and you know you can’t do better than this? When you feel that the harder you try, the more weaknesses are exposed? You are compromised and you feel lost and your mind can’t make any clear decisions. I wonder this day if all decisions have been less difficult to make in the past because today I have reached a point in my life when I don’t know what to decision to take.

I always characterized myself as a decision maker but this point it’s unclear whether this will be the worst mistake if I give up this dream. At the same the battle of thoughts is ongoing in my mind, showing more of my weaknesses than strength if I continue holding on. I ask myself again, when you draw a line to mark the end of an era and the beginning of a new phase of your life.

Where did the courage come from in the past decisions made? Was I to much of a coward to have let go of those dreams? Were the boundaries between hope and despair drawn too early? It’s a tough decision today but perhaps what I need is another night to sleep on it. Tomorrow may bring a clear picture and show me when to draw the line.

For all those battling out the right way to go at this crossroad, maybe you just need to settle a little more and listen to the inner you. The nature of time is that things mature and the picture gets clearer by the day. More information is received and it might be safe to hold on for another day. For those brave enough like I was in the past; you may draw the line and turn away. Find the dreams possible to realize; those you may overlooked or a blind eye was turned to earlier..

Life is journey, we leave foot prints behind…let’s hope that the foot prints left will be bolder and surer….we are together in the walk to our final destiny…God help us and hold our hands when we can’t stand strong….