“RUSH-RUSH” BUT MY HEART LONGS FOR “HUSH-HUSH”………….

Living in a fast moving city, everything being artificial and life continually changing, I have come to realize the importance of having somewhere to belong and more importantly let it be natural. Many a time when you walk in the streets of Dubai you will find changes on the roads, uprooted signage or even done away with roundabouts. The next day, the path on which you are used to walking could be marked for cable construction or sewer expansion. Some of these changes are temporary but they can vastly affect our lives, moods and peace of mind…

In our lives we all search for peace or somewhere to call our own, to belong and know that people care for us. Even the most hardened hearts long for the peace that can be found in the hearts that truly care. Speaking in general terms may not bring out what I mean to discuss. Today my heart longs for a place I once knew, where the wind blew on my face and the nourishing scent of soil just before the rains, calmed my soul. I could lie on the grass and count the stars, and many of the afternoons ride my bike down the winding roads of my hometown, manyatta.

Memories of those days fill my heart with nostalgia. My heart that is no longer virgin, heart that has been troubled by emotions. Heart that has seen hardship unlike those days when I had no idea what the real world was like. This young part of my life is filled with love and ready to give love, it was filled with dreams and deep-heartened laughter. I had no need to keep appearances, for I knew that when the sun will rise I could walk bare feet on the dewy grass on my papa’s home.

I have grown up and my papa’s home is no longer my own, I should set out to create my own, something that I have seen my older siblings do without much effort. This has not been the case for me given that; I seem to search for wrong places to belong. My heart is struggling to maintain the peace and the harmony of all that is inside. My eyes try to see only things that will please my soul.. When every where is “rush-rush”, my soul searches for “hush-hush” that I could find by the riverside or on top of the small rock or more so in the millions drops of rain on my skin.. I yearn for the healing of nature; my soul yearns to find the peace it once knew…

Even though the wind my blows through my window in my apartment, it’s hot, humid and no life. It brings in the “rush-rush “of the world passing by fast outside my window. For those who are lucky to feel the rain, to feel the morning dew beneath their feet and rub the soft soil in the palm of their hands, you are blessed souls. My hearts envies what you have and some day I will head straight there…

Into the country side, glowing sunsets, bleating lambs and gentle winds….hmmm.. “hush-hush” my soul seeks this place that was created by God, the giver of life…..

IT'S RAINING THOUGHTS……..

Have we ever been faced with times in our lives when we can not stop ideas, thoughts from running in and out of minds. Some of the thoughts bring you hope but most of them wear you down. Your mind gets curious and goes on rampage trying to figure out what the hidden answers could be? You try to sleep but the morning dawns and your soul is upset..your soul is troubled within you and your personality is slowly distorted or you become erratic?

I am not trying to describe beginning of madness, I believe I am trying to find the best way to learn to let go of dreams, wishes and plans that we come to realize are not feasible. I believe this is the beginning of the internal turmoil because when we don’t let go, we start to search for justification as to why certain unfeasible dreams deserve to live on.

It could be a failed love affair, marriage , job aspiration or even a failed holiday plan. The minute we hold on to something that is already lost, our mind tries to find the better option or other way out. In some cases these options have led us to success but is it worth the time, resources and energy? We keep climbing this hill where as it may be just a grain of sand. We convince ourselves that this is it and so much time is lost , something that we will never get back.

Would it not be much better if we could make each moment count because that is all we have. why do we chase after waterfalls? Why do I talk about this today? Last week, I had breathing problem and thought I had developed asthma but when I visited the doctor, she counseled me and advised me to let go of the tension in my mind and heart… all my vitals were fine and my physical exam excellent (Thank God)..

I went home a troubled soul, could this be what they call stress? I had no idea I was stressed, I try to live a healthy life but I was wrong, big time wrong…this was the result of the rain in my mind, the rain of thoughts, something that is good but can get very toxic…

Tonight I urge you take joy in the simple joys of life, the moments we have today and let go of the waterfalls.. when the rain comes, let the rainbow in your heart remind you of when its time to let go.

GASP FOR BREATH…..

Through the hospital blinds, I see faces, expressions of despair of worry and perhaps for some of the faces it’s fatigue. The road has been too long and the baggage of life is wearing them down, for the young ones, some may be bearing the baggage handed down from their ancestors. They are all strangers to me and the breathing masks over the noses of most of them shows that they are in need of someone to send them just an ounce of strength to breathe again. Tears roll down my face as I walk through the corridors of this hospital, it’s a place that you see the once strong body of a man, woman or child become fragile and in some cases lifeless..

The times now make the matter grave; the stifle tears at the corners of their eyes or the line of worry on the loved ones beside their beds tell it all. Who knows what will become of their loved ones. How often do we take fore granted that we have the gift to breathe; the gift to see the sun shine bright and see the blue sky. The strength in our feet can help us move to see the end of our daily road. Do we ever stop to think what if the next minute our feet will fail us? What if the air we breathe was suddenly taken away or made foul. When we have to gasp and struggle to fuel our lungs with oxygen?

As I walked further the corridors I think on if I tell the people close to me how much they mean to me everyday. Do I take this fore granted? When my strength fails me, will I have someone by my bedside to hold my hand? Would the person choose to be there or do it by obligation? When we love, do we do it unconditionally? Our hearts are free and so is our will, what choice do we make today? Self gratification and indulgence? Why don’t we reach out to share the strength we have with those that need it. The person may be a stranger but the heart knows no stranger. A simple smile I share with the man who lay frail on his sick bed, made me realize that I didn’t have to have the money, or material stuff to make someone’s world better.

I have a powerful gift, the gift to make someone’s day brighter, and the gift to be able to share my strength and hold someone’s frail hands. Give a gentle hug of assurance. What more do I need when I don’t the financial capabilities to waive their imminent bills, unpaid mortgages or loans? Today, I make a simple vow in my heart, to try and make someone’s day better, to smile even when I am on the verge of tears, the smile maybe cracked but for someone who needs it, it maybe just the hope for another chance. For someone who gasps for air, I will say a gentle prayer to the giver of live to breathe life into their hearts….