Having been in a few broken relationships, friendships and listened to a few stories of estranged marriages/companionship, I believe it is safe to say that there is no formula to loving people in our lives. No black and white right or wrong way to make a relationship or friendship work. Magazines and journals headlines may declare “ten ways to make marriage work” or better “5 ways to know he/she is the one”. Horoscope sites may tell you “how wrong your pair will turn out to be” or “how perfect the two of you will be together”. No offense to those who believe in any of the above sources, it’s just my personal opinion and deductions that I share in my article this morning.
We have heard it all and the love mix seems to mutate and change each and every day. For those of us who have had firsthand experience, it probably is safe to deduct that what works for one partner doesn’t work for another. Some aspects of relationships may match when tallied but is it safe to say there is a formula to make him/her fall in love with you? In my opinion, NO! If horoscope matching were accurate, why is it that a number of marriages that solely depend on this information fail?
What our previous partner loved to do together may not be what the new partner loves. The nights of cuddle before a TV show may not appeal to another who prefers a cuddle in bed. What turned a partner on will not necessarily turn the other on? We are caught in a web of norms which have been written by our past. We often try to fit our potential partners into this “ideal” that only our minds know of. Perhaps when we tried to be wordy about our emotions in the past, our partners ran away but for the new partner he/she yearns to hear us say these words.
How do we know when it’s right way or wrong way? That’s the point I am trying to bring out, there is no formula, no right time, no wrong time. These are settings our minds have put to make us feel safe. Wouldn’t it be adventurous when all these norms are stripped off and our past experience kept as a distant memory? Wouldn’t it be more exciting to discover a new partner in his/her own special way? Wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to live each and every day supporting and understanding the best way to treat an individual friend or partner? Certain virtuous aspects may stand, such as respect, understanding among others but the simple underlying fact of acceptance still stands.
I don’t need to have a “brangelina” relationship; neither do I want to have the formula of heart break from Jennifer Aniston. The mistakes they make don’t relate to me and what may work for them, wouldn’t work for me. No a formula to touch another person, neither a best way to kiss another person even though the word is “chemistry”. Chemistry which could mean chemical formulas.. Ironic! Well, for those who have loved and have known true love perhaps you may agree to disagree with me but my opinion stands; making every new day special with someone we love or care about is the essence to making it work. It’s no formula; simply discovering the secrets that make both hearts smile, one that know how to dry the tears off the face of another, secret that allows us just to be simply who we are around those that we hold dear to us.
Those of us addicted to cosmopolitan formulas, it’s time to throw these leaflets out of the window and listen to, learn from , understand and compromise with our partners and friends. Just be who you are and let them be who they are, what could make the passion stronger than nature itself? What could make the kiss linger better than knowing you need no right or wrong way to feel his/her lip? No formula to make the passionate entanglement of lovers perfect? No ingredients to make two bodies sublime?
Again, this is my personal opinion, no formula exists!
Friday, 19 February 2010
Sunday, 7 February 2010
“DEAR JOHN”
I bet many of us have forgotten how it felt to draft a hand-written love letter. When we took our time to think of words to express how we felt about that special someone; borrowed words from songs, from famous poets and unbelievable for the Christian part of us borrowed words from the book of Solomon. Generation may have changed and people hardly know their hand-writing in this era of computers. A boy no longer tells a girl how magical she makes him feel and neither does a girl hide under covers with a spotlight to read the note from the boy she likes. Gone are the days when we could open up and speak what’s in our hearts.
I still recall my first love letter and even though I may not remember the words I wrote and received in reply, the nostalgia lives on. No offense to the men who have courted me but none of them took a pen and drafted those emotions of a first meeting, those nights when we stayed a wake in passionate entanglement. I don’t blame them since I didn’t do the same either. I never let them know on the missed heartbeats of our first kiss, or the longing for the first hug. My pen has not written of my heart’s rush when I first caught a glimpse of their masculine structure through the unbuttoned shirt.
SMS and emails may have replaced what was a tradition but for those who waited for the post man to deliver the long awaited letter, those who drew the contours of each letter from their loved ones, read it over and over again never noticing the grammatical errors, I bet you long for those days. Indeed those were the days when we pressed these notes across our chests and fell sound asleep. Boys were not afraid to say what they felt and girls were not afraid to blush at the words of their beloved.
The secret boxes we kept under our beds as a safe haven for our secret notes of passion, desire, longing and feelings that ran deep. I still recall with nostalgia as I waited for the post lady to call my name in front of the assembly of boarding school girls to receive my handwritten note from my puppy love. The words may have been borrowed, simple, but they were what he felt for me. The comfort I had deep inside with the thought of him thinking of me from the distance. His love was in every word he drafted.
Why do I write this today? As you can see my title of blog, “Dear John” a movie that inspired me and took me back in time.. I never wrote “Dear John” but to whomever it was addressed, I drafted every word with love..Gone are the days when I received a love letter, but the nostalgia is awake inside of me tonight..
Are you nostalgic tonight too? Let your pen draft those words to your beloved, pour out your heart and let the ink inscribe what you feel for that special someone. Valentines’ day is around the corner.
I still recall my first love letter and even though I may not remember the words I wrote and received in reply, the nostalgia lives on. No offense to the men who have courted me but none of them took a pen and drafted those emotions of a first meeting, those nights when we stayed a wake in passionate entanglement. I don’t blame them since I didn’t do the same either. I never let them know on the missed heartbeats of our first kiss, or the longing for the first hug. My pen has not written of my heart’s rush when I first caught a glimpse of their masculine structure through the unbuttoned shirt.
SMS and emails may have replaced what was a tradition but for those who waited for the post man to deliver the long awaited letter, those who drew the contours of each letter from their loved ones, read it over and over again never noticing the grammatical errors, I bet you long for those days. Indeed those were the days when we pressed these notes across our chests and fell sound asleep. Boys were not afraid to say what they felt and girls were not afraid to blush at the words of their beloved.
The secret boxes we kept under our beds as a safe haven for our secret notes of passion, desire, longing and feelings that ran deep. I still recall with nostalgia as I waited for the post lady to call my name in front of the assembly of boarding school girls to receive my handwritten note from my puppy love. The words may have been borrowed, simple, but they were what he felt for me. The comfort I had deep inside with the thought of him thinking of me from the distance. His love was in every word he drafted.
Why do I write this today? As you can see my title of blog, “Dear John” a movie that inspired me and took me back in time.. I never wrote “Dear John” but to whomever it was addressed, I drafted every word with love..Gone are the days when I received a love letter, but the nostalgia is awake inside of me tonight..
Are you nostalgic tonight too? Let your pen draft those words to your beloved, pour out your heart and let the ink inscribe what you feel for that special someone. Valentines’ day is around the corner.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
A DESTINY INTERTWINED…………….
The tale of a broken, struggling young man in Dubai draws me to sympathetic mode. Its amazing how destinies and fates are all intertwined and when you least expect it, the hand of destiny could draw you to a path unforeseen. When we thought we had seen it all and the rest is well thought of, our defenses are up and ready for what we believe is the limit to which the hand of destiny can lead us to.
The ambitious young man in question was cruising gaily with an aim not to miss the green light at the intersection and all that was on his mind was to reach home to his young wife. The poor, worn-out, malnourished laborer who was standing by the road with the aim of suicide on a pedestrian crossing decides to eventually take a leap and accomplish his extremely desperate plan which would hopefully earn his family the so called “blood money”. Unaware of the laws of the land, the driver who was cruising homeward would not commit any crime by accidentally bringing him to the other side of life as he so planned. The scene horrific and the driver may never be able to recover from but sadly this is how their destinies were intertwined.
Being a man of honor he decides to pay the “blood money” to the poor laborer’s family by obtaining a loan for which he foresaw payable over time. He wanted to make it right, even though the grisly incident was irreversible and will always be. The world economic crisis then strikes and his losses his job and is forced to stay on a low-paying job just to be able to foot his bills and clear his debt. To those who may read what I write, you may never be able to empathize with the fate of this man. Some of you may so, well, “shit happens” and I understand your point. We all have crosses to bear but how often do we believe that our neighbor’s cross doesn’t concern us? We take fore granted the fact that his cross may fall on our pathway and make us trip over.
Well, we may never be able to make it all better and the pain may not be lessened when we offer an ear to listen, but we should not live in ignorance with the belief that you only have your cross to carry. Even if you may not make it any easier but the fact that we could listen, work to make our neighbor have a smile on their faces, offer advise when they ask for it or even the simplest of gestures be fair to one another could make our crosses lighter. The burdens may then be easier to bear. For a moment, you were the employer of this poor laborer who is back-breaking in the construction of your sky scrapper, what would you have done better? Could you have given him better living condition to make him not feel less of a human being? Would you have tried to help him understand that he too has a right to life just like any of us? I am not trying to sound a saint and in many occasions I have take fore granted the opportunity to make the world a better place.
We may not change the world in one day but you can be the subject to inspire change. It starts with the small baby steps, from the rich to the poor, young to the old, employed and the employer. We all are in this together. Every single life under the sun has a right to be here, while our time on earth is on; we should try to make it a better place. When the laborer cried, who dried his tears, when he went to his demanding job on empty stomach who gave him a piece of bread? He walked by you the other day on the pavement, why did you shy away? He needed you and me but what he saw was how he was all alone.
Act today and tomorrow your cross will be easier to bear. It may be your gardener’s neighbor who thirsts in the scorching sun, the delivery boy who almost collapses under the heavy weights he bears to your door step; taxi man; door bell man; it may be the person you stare right in the face every morning. Believe me when I say it’s “a destiny intertwined”.
The ambitious young man in question was cruising gaily with an aim not to miss the green light at the intersection and all that was on his mind was to reach home to his young wife. The poor, worn-out, malnourished laborer who was standing by the road with the aim of suicide on a pedestrian crossing decides to eventually take a leap and accomplish his extremely desperate plan which would hopefully earn his family the so called “blood money”. Unaware of the laws of the land, the driver who was cruising homeward would not commit any crime by accidentally bringing him to the other side of life as he so planned. The scene horrific and the driver may never be able to recover from but sadly this is how their destinies were intertwined.
Being a man of honor he decides to pay the “blood money” to the poor laborer’s family by obtaining a loan for which he foresaw payable over time. He wanted to make it right, even though the grisly incident was irreversible and will always be. The world economic crisis then strikes and his losses his job and is forced to stay on a low-paying job just to be able to foot his bills and clear his debt. To those who may read what I write, you may never be able to empathize with the fate of this man. Some of you may so, well, “shit happens” and I understand your point. We all have crosses to bear but how often do we believe that our neighbor’s cross doesn’t concern us? We take fore granted the fact that his cross may fall on our pathway and make us trip over.
Well, we may never be able to make it all better and the pain may not be lessened when we offer an ear to listen, but we should not live in ignorance with the belief that you only have your cross to carry. Even if you may not make it any easier but the fact that we could listen, work to make our neighbor have a smile on their faces, offer advise when they ask for it or even the simplest of gestures be fair to one another could make our crosses lighter. The burdens may then be easier to bear. For a moment, you were the employer of this poor laborer who is back-breaking in the construction of your sky scrapper, what would you have done better? Could you have given him better living condition to make him not feel less of a human being? Would you have tried to help him understand that he too has a right to life just like any of us? I am not trying to sound a saint and in many occasions I have take fore granted the opportunity to make the world a better place.
We may not change the world in one day but you can be the subject to inspire change. It starts with the small baby steps, from the rich to the poor, young to the old, employed and the employer. We all are in this together. Every single life under the sun has a right to be here, while our time on earth is on; we should try to make it a better place. When the laborer cried, who dried his tears, when he went to his demanding job on empty stomach who gave him a piece of bread? He walked by you the other day on the pavement, why did you shy away? He needed you and me but what he saw was how he was all alone.
Act today and tomorrow your cross will be easier to bear. It may be your gardener’s neighbor who thirsts in the scorching sun, the delivery boy who almost collapses under the heavy weights he bears to your door step; taxi man; door bell man; it may be the person you stare right in the face every morning. Believe me when I say it’s “a destiny intertwined”.
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