An encounter with new faces in your life can sometimes turn out to be a complex process that may entail a speech of self description. One that requires you to have excelled in English grammar or at least knew adjectives to add to your “I am”. How often have you been asked the question, “how would you describe yourself?” and you are left with the feeling as though you are product to be marketed. You try to set a market value to yourself and my marketing professor would say that its one of the most natural products anyone could ever market. Well, to my point, recently someone asked me this question and I thought of the words I could say to answer the question to perfection. However, something held me back!
What of if there was someone to whom I didn’t need to describe myself to/ one that I didn’t need to give the superficial side of me. Who wouldn’t ask me questions to which the answers have re-echoed in my head countless times? That someone who knew me by heart and was ready to discover the mystery of my being as days went by? I have often answered this question with adjectives that I found were hard to live up to. My responses in the past had made it seem as though everything was perfect in “Diana’s land” (not that I am saying they aint J). How I wished for someone who could look at me and see who I am and for the points unclear ask me at the most unexpected time. Someone who can help me find a way home, hold my hand as I went to meet my essence. As I opened the door to “ Diana’s land.”
I was exhausted and I didn’t have the desire to explain myself once more and I politely replied, “I am done with the adjectives lessons in my life!” strange as it may seem but how often do we lie to ourselves and those who sit before us with sweetened words only to discover that it doesn’t even come close to who we are. When we mistake the material elements of our lives to be the essence of who we are? I am not suggesting self description is inappropriate and in the cases of a job interview it may land you a job. But what if the truth of who you really are isn’t yet clear to you? When everyday you find out something new about yourself? Something that you can’t predict before hand? Perhaps you are afraid to shed light in this reality of yourself. My mother once told me that in the years she has been married to my father, she could never say she knew him 100% and many cases she was mesmerized by what she discovered about the man she had been married to for almost half a century.
What if we met someone who knew us by heart; one who was willing to live with the basic and build on the common grounds that you share? Discover your strengths and supplement with their weakness? I know it sounds like a fairy tale but I longed for that moment. It could be a fantasy but I didn’t feel like describing myself neither did I feel like listening to the adjectives from across my table..Perhaps boring is the word to describe me…
I wonder if someone could relate to my thoughts tonight… ;)
Thursday 22 April 2010
WHEN SILENCE SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS
This afternoon I was brought to a point where I had to decide whether words could express what was going on in my mind. I thought of words that could fit into the given situation, an excuse that could help me get out of the awkward situation I found myself in. I was going against what I have always believed in and I felt disarmed and the enemy was staring at me with their weapons armed.
Indeed I could have found words, lyrics to a song or lines to my favorite poems. Instead I chose something that I rarely do and I believe many of us don’t either. I chose to seal my lips and lock my voice box. I felt as though in that particular event, only silence could express what I really felt. Have you ever been in that kind of situation when all you could have said has been said? You have exhausted any tactics that you may have developed over time to overcome the situation before hand. What do you do when no smile could smother the enemy before you? When no words of gratitude could express how much you appreciated those who stood by you for the longest time of your life? When no apologies could erase the disappointment off the face of a loved one?
Such situations come at hand when a spouse who has been a part of your life decides that your presence is no longer a satisfaction. When a best friend decides to break away from the relationship you so share or worse betray your trust. When a child rejects the love you have so much given. When your company decides your services are no longer needed. Perhaps a lover finds solace in the arms of another. Indeed, what could you ay when words couldn’t express the emotions you feel inside? How many times have you thought of silence as the best weapon? Your adversary has no idea what goes on in your mind and he/she watches you as you walk away. You could have stayed to fight another day by for that moment you know it’s better to seal your lips and let it go. Flap your wings and fly without chirping.
My mind reels through the pages of my memory and I reckon there are those situations I could have been silent but I uttered words that I regret today. So this afternoon, I chose what I felt was best, to be silent hoping that tomorrow I don’t wake up to imagine how it could have been had I uttered any words. The much wiser men once said that silence is golden. So, I take my golden moment all in a stride. It’s the best I could do…..
Indeed I could have found words, lyrics to a song or lines to my favorite poems. Instead I chose something that I rarely do and I believe many of us don’t either. I chose to seal my lips and lock my voice box. I felt as though in that particular event, only silence could express what I really felt. Have you ever been in that kind of situation when all you could have said has been said? You have exhausted any tactics that you may have developed over time to overcome the situation before hand. What do you do when no smile could smother the enemy before you? When no words of gratitude could express how much you appreciated those who stood by you for the longest time of your life? When no apologies could erase the disappointment off the face of a loved one?
Such situations come at hand when a spouse who has been a part of your life decides that your presence is no longer a satisfaction. When a best friend decides to break away from the relationship you so share or worse betray your trust. When a child rejects the love you have so much given. When your company decides your services are no longer needed. Perhaps a lover finds solace in the arms of another. Indeed, what could you ay when words couldn’t express the emotions you feel inside? How many times have you thought of silence as the best weapon? Your adversary has no idea what goes on in your mind and he/she watches you as you walk away. You could have stayed to fight another day by for that moment you know it’s better to seal your lips and let it go. Flap your wings and fly without chirping.
My mind reels through the pages of my memory and I reckon there are those situations I could have been silent but I uttered words that I regret today. So this afternoon, I chose what I felt was best, to be silent hoping that tomorrow I don’t wake up to imagine how it could have been had I uttered any words. The much wiser men once said that silence is golden. So, I take my golden moment all in a stride. It’s the best I could do…..
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